


Eclouge for Piano and Strings

by Northboy



Category: Original Work
Genre: College, Gay, M/M, Ohio, Piano, Swimming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-28 01:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northboy/pseuds/Northboy
Summary: Ec·logue:/ˈeklôɡ/nouna short poem, especially a pastoral dialogue.Inspired by a piece of the same name, this work tells the story of two college-aged sophomores who could not be more opposite. One, a charming, charismatic swimmer known throughout as the boy who everyone wants. The other, a quiet, shy scholar with a heart of gold. In a story of an unlikely friendship and unrequited feelings, can love blossom between such opposites?
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	1. Andante Simplice

**_An Eclogue for Piano and Strings_ **

✤ ✤ ✤

**Andante Simplice**

It was finally spring time. After a desolate and gloomy, gray winter had settled itself into the mindsets of the students at _The_ Ohio State University, it was a welcome relief that the lush green of spring had begun to show—quite the contrast from the mostly grim and dreary rain showers that pelted the campus over the past months.

Amid the happy students who traversed the various paths of The Oval, a large (and aptly named) green on campus, Ethan strolled through the crowds of students who had decided to enjoy the nice weather either laying out in the sun or tossing a frisbee around.

Bright, blue eyes focused on the happy scene all around him. He recognized many of his friends out and about, waving to each and every one of them and sending a dazzling smile in their direction.

Not only was the swimmer beaming with happiness because of the pristine weather around him, but also because he had finally, _finally,_ made a decision.

Ethan had concluded some days ago and had since told Robbie (mere hours ago, in fact) that he was going to go in the other direction— for Lucas instead of him. He had taken it rather well, it seemed.

Ethan approached the far end of The Oval and saw his lover-to-be sitting on a small bench, waiting to meet him. His brilliant, white smile widened, and he ran a hand through his mahogany hair, streaked with small locks of dirty blond.

While walking towards the taller boy, Ethan occupied himself with his thoughts about how wonderful the relationship was going to be. He milled over nights like tonight where he’d cuddle up to Lucas under a blanket while his strong boyfriend snaked his arms around the thin boy and nuzzle into his neck.

Ethan stopped his thoughts before he turned into a total beet with how flushed he became.

 _Ethan, you’re infatuated!_ He thought.

“Hi …” his voice rang out with a sing-song tone towards the stunning boy with those razor-like cheekbones and dark, piercing eyes; a contrast to the other boy’s bright, cobalt-blues. Ethan bounded over to him, kissing his cheek before he could even stand up to greet him. 

“Hey,” Lucas said hungrily, looking up and down Ethan’s slim frame. His shirt hugged his body rather tightly but highlighted all his features perfectly. “Wow, you look … great.” A hot red flush came over his face.

“Babe, stop!” He giggled loudly as he replied. Lucas saw this as an opportunity to pounce; he stepped forward and wrapped his arm around his hip, pulling him in closely.

“What are you up to right now?”

Ethan had to ponder that for a moment. He knew what Lucas wanted, and he wondered if it was a good time to do it. But, with no plans for the evening other than clubbing, he figured some fun before he gained a boyfriend would not hurt.

Ethan lead him back to his dorm and Lucas threw him down on his bed before the door even closed behind them.

* * *

Robbie was usually a rational person. When it came to this, however, no amount of consolation could ease that dreaded feeling.

“Robbie … Robbie? Robbie!?”

The tall brunet gasped softly. He looked up to see the concerned eyes of the head librarian.

His usual attentiveness to his job was all but gone and he found himself absolutely disillusioned from the world while inside the stately, old building. His thoughts were almost non-existent, replaced by a neutral, almost fuzzy feeling of nothing, but that wasn’t enough to be able to escape the feeling of dread that clawed at his chest.

“Go home.” Mr. Yeats said softly, with understanding.

“Go home? I’m … I’m fine.” His red lips barely moved while he spoke those meek words.

“No, you are not. I can tell because you’re reading a book on music theory seemingly upside down,” Robbie quickly closed it in a fleeting moment of sobriety; his cheeks getting flushed. “I can’t have you working like this, nor can I stand to see you like this. Please. Go home and rest.”

“But, no, no, I-I’m just fine—”

“I talked to Jordan, she’ll cover for you to close with me tonight. Just go. Please.”

Robbie looked down at the upside-down words on the cover with his lips pursed before letting out a sigh. The pianist was never quit or let anyone down, but perhaps it was for the best. That dreaded feeling was not going away anytime soon, so it would be best to try and go nurse it, right? But how does one nurse something like this?

He said a very meek thank-you before he walked silently to the back to clock out. By the time he had walked outside, it was dusk, and a storm was approaching on the horizon as evidenced by the ever-growing dark clouds that loomed overhead. Robbie hated storms.


	2. A tempo, ma pochettino più movimento

**A tempo, ma pochettino più movimento**

Ethan loved storms. A storm was coming in. _Yes!_

Their session had been quite, quite long. Outside, the warm, clear skies had darkened in more ways than one, and now a cool wind was blowing in from the west. Ethan lay snuggled up next to Lucas with the large boy’s hand running gingerly through Ethan’s hair. And after they had rested up for a bit Ethan knew it was time. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk.” Lucas complied, but thought it was a little strange.

As they walked silently, Ethan could not help but to start to reminisce for a little bit. As a young boy, he had always admired his parents. Palmer and Pamela Hanson were his archetype of love. Their relationship was not only enduring with time, but also thriving. His connection with his mother was especially strong and many of his traits seemed to stem from her; including their love of cheesy romance movies. The two would make some popcorn and watch whatever romantic comedy they could agree on once every week and through all the laughs and jokes Ethan’s young, impressionable mind made out the fact that love was something to behold and cherish.

Fate seemed to be his enemy. For the longest time he had wanted nothing but to be in a healthy relationship brimming with love. That it was a constant feeling of euphoria that could not be matched. Fate seemed to do nothing but tempt him and tease him, giving him everything he always wanted, but never fulling giving him his number one desire. Now was his time. Now it was time to love love and every moment therein.

They had walked the short distance to The Oval. Tradition stated that if a couple walked the length down the middle of the green and no one crossed their path, they would be together forever.

Before he spoke to Lucas, a small pang of guilt resounded through him. He recalled when he told Robbie earlier today: _“You’ll find someone, I know you will. There’s not a lot of people who deserve someone as amazing as you are. We’re just too different, you and me. And I would never want to risk our friendship.”_

Those words rang through his head. He found himself thinking about it over and over again despite his happy mood. He had done nothing wrong, right? He said it in a very gentle and kind way. But Robbie must have been heartbroken. His response was soft, but poignant;

_“I understand.”_

He couldn’t even meet Ethan’s eyes when he said it. At that point he saw that Robbie just wanted to be alone from everyone, especially Ethan.

He ended the meeting abruptly after that. Ethan was saddened that he wouldn’t see him for a bit because he needed his space. Though, in the meantime, he’d enjoy all the spoils that came with his new boyfriend. And though he took some time to think about it, the decision was a rather easy one in the end; Lucas was the best lover he had ever had and eons beyond the boring killjoy known as Robbie.

But it did go beyond that. Lucas was _alive._ He went out and had fun, lived for the moment, made friends, and never listened to a single criticism or judgmental comment that might have come his way. He was a king in his own regard as well as that of many others’. Nothing could stop him as he paved his way through life. And Ethan wanted to be right there with him as he did.

Robbie didn’t do much, to say the least. He stayed up late studying or practicing, he never went out (nor had he ever before or even planned to). Robbie was shy and reserved, never doing anything to bring attention to himself. Not that that is bad by any means, but it was certainly not what Ethan was looking for in a partner. That was why the decision was a rather easy one to make. Who knows? Maybe Robbie would be sitting front row at Ethan’s wedding to Lucas!

He turned around to look at Lucas standing there next to him. The stunning blond hair atop his head sailed in the wind, but a cold look rested in the party boy’s eyes. Ethan paid no mind to it, hardly acknowledging it at all.

“Luke …” Ethan whispered standing up. “So, I wanted this to be perfect because of how I feel about this. About you. About … us.” He slowly reached in and pulled out the rose, still a stunning shade of red in the darkness. “Lucas, I’ve gained a lot of feelings for you whenever we’re together, no matter what we were doing. You’re funny, smart, fun to be around and … just everything I want in a partner. And I think you feel the same way. I think we’ll go far because we’re so compatible and good together. And ….” He wanted to go on but was at all loss for words. “… I want you to be my boyfriend.” And he held the rose up, waiting to feel the soft hands take it from his.

Instead, a sinking sensation took over his whole body.

Ethan had somewhat shyly looked around Lucas the whole time while he was talking through his proposal. At the very end, he lifted his eyes to meet the orbs of his lover-to-be only to be met with a very pensive and apprehensive look.

“What?!” the other boy spat, though rather softly.

“I …” Ethan’s brow pulled into a tight furrow as Lucas stared at him silently. How was he not clear?

_Oh no …._

“You seriously developed feelings for me? How? We went out to clubs together a couple times and fucked a lot, but we weren’t exclusive at all. Am I …? Like, did you think we were talking? I mean, I thought I made it clear that I’m not looking for anything serious. ” His sentence ended with him chortling out his words in an awful, cynical way. Ethan stood paralyzed, though his mind was racing. He had completely read all the signs wrong? Through the rose-colored glasses of affection, he thought Lucas wanted him just as much.

“Wow, seriously,” finished Lucas. His condescending eyes glared down at the still-outstretched rose in Ethan’s hand, giving it an obvious scoff before adding his one last, terrible note: “Do me a favor and just stop talking to me. You were fun to fuck, but you clearly got some attachment issues going on. Seeya.” Lucas turned on his heels and quickly walked away from the scene.

Heartbroken, devastated, and flabbergasted were only the beginning of how to describe Ethan’s amalgam of emotions swirling around the newly-formed pit in his stomach. Everything became more and more clear in his mind: he had been blinded by his affection. The pain of hindsight was beginning to hit and it hit hard. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t even move, it seemed. But out of frustration, anger, sadness, and utter devastation, he threw the rose down onto the damp grass next to him before he took off down the cold path and ended on the cold stone steps under the statue and let his sobs free _._

The thunder worsened, and the sun set.

* * *

Darkness was taking over as Robbie walked back to his dorm in the strengthening winds of the oncoming tempest. Orton Library was on the south side The Oval and he lived on North Campus. His muscles acted on their own to take him home while his mind couldn’t be further from reality while trudging through the dull, brown leaves on the sidewalk directly across the shorter axis of the ellipsoidal green. A thin bit of attention on the world around him was to only ensure he wouldn’t run into someone— though the green was all but desolate.

 _I should have seen it coming_.

How could he compare to any of the other friends that Ethan had? He knew from the start that he was always going to stay at arm’s length from the boy. Or, at least he should have. But now he knew well that Ethan was much more than just that to him, but now it seemed that the boy was eons away from him. It felt like his confession pushed him away and they would never be as close as they were. And they were very close. Ethan had shared deep, personal details in confidence with Robbie, and the taller brunet reciprocated.

How he received the trust of someone as well-known around the gay community on campus is beyond him. Not only that, he was the best swimmer the school had seen in years, and he was stunningly gorgeous. He would go out and be the center of attention every weekend and whoever was lucky enough to go home … well, they were just plain lucky.

Robbie suddenly froze.

In the distance, he heard a rumble of thunder. It was so faint, he might have been the only one around to pick up on it. Yet, hearing it, made him stop dead in his tracks.

It took him a second or two to get a bearing on where he was. It was at the far end of The Oval from Thompson Library. How did he end up here? His dorm was the other way. He must have gotten so enthralled in his own thoughts that he lost his bearing. The buildings around the green stood dim while Thompson was the only one that was open.

Directly to his left, some distance away, stood the foreign language building: Hagerty Hall. The building had a small raised platform with some benches before the entrance. It was there that he and Ethan first met. Actually met. They had a class together in the building, but it was while waiting for his friend after said class on that pristine October day that Robbie first spoke to the boy who made him that horrendous swelling of warmth surge through him every time he walked by on the way to his seat.

_“Don’t you think it’s a little warm for that?”_

_It was a beautiful, early October day. The wind rustled gently through the still-green leaves of the trees on The Oval. Students couldn’t get enough of the sun and warmth, smiling the day away while tossing frisbees or laying in their own hammocks._

_Robbie stiffened up. He knew the question was directed to him, given he was wearing a light, but black, jacket on an otherwise unseasonably warm day. There was no denying that he was the target of the question. But it didn’t make sense. There was no way, absolutely_ **_no way_ ** _, that the boy who was perfection personified was talking to his boring, quiet self._

_Robbie looked over at the other bench where the boy was sitting. A gentle breeze came in from the north, rustling the leaves and branches of the trees around them. A small tangle of Ethan’s warm, hazel bangs streaked with blond whipped gently with it. He tucked the unkempt strand away and beamed his stunning smile at Robbie._

_The question he posed was not at all condescending; merely curious, if anything. Possibly with a hint of an interest, of sorts, maybe, in his voice?_

_“… um … n-not really. I’m-I’m fine.” He stammered his response. He couldn’t meet Ethan’s eyes._

_He was just_ **_so_ ** _cute. He couldn’t help turning into a blathering mess._

_“Hm, okay. I’m certainly not one to judge, honestly. I’m here in a tee shirt and shorts, and I kinda’ feel cold.”_

_Robbie looked up at him questioningly, not wavering in his gaze towards the boy, but still not meeting his eyes._

_Shit, what does he say to that?_

_“Oh … um … thanks?”_

_Slick. Real slick._

_“Hey,” the dauntless swimmer suddenly said. Robbie’s eyes lifted up to see him standing up from his seat up to walk over to where he sat. “you’re in my Russian Lit. class, right?” Robbie nodded, sitting up. Tingles of … something resounded throughout his body. He couldn’t tell if it was because he was excited or extremely self-conscious, or if it was a sadistic mix of the two. “Okay, do you understand any of this?” He said as he pulled his book bag around to pull out a short novel they were reading;_ Heart of a Dog, _which was a rather strangely written, esoteric novel that just didn’t seem to sit well with Ethan._

_“Yes, I suppose so. Why?”_

_“It just makes no sense to me. Like, I completely understand everything while reading and then we discuss it in class and, apparently, everything I thought I understood was not right.”_

_“Oh, okay. What don’t you get?”_

_“A lot of it. It’s such an easy class, but this book is so … bleh. But, you understand it, right?”_

_“I mean … I’d like to think so. It’s not just you, I think the professor is a bit dry, which never helps,” Robbie replied with a little laugh. He had read the book before and he began to explain things eons better than their professor’s primary lectures on the book. For the next ten minutes, Robbie helped explain the complicated book to the swimmer who couldn’t make heads or tails of the piece no matter how many times he attempted to read it._

_“Okay, wow, that cleared up a lot of things. I wish he went over some of the context of it before we started reading this ‘science fiction’ book,” Ethan raised his hands for air quotes. It made Robbie chuckle softly and Ethan with him, too. Robbie, by a lifelong habit, kept his eyes low. But he was finally able to look Ethan in the eye for more than just a second. “Thank you,” said Ethan._

_“Of course, I’m happy to help,” Robbie replied, in a calm tone, giving the other boy a soft smile. Ethan returned a brilliant smile. He adored the sound of the other boy’s soothing tenor. What came next, made that feeling of butterflies erupt in Robbie’s gut. A horrendous feeling to follow his equally horrendous scarlet flush._

_“Can I … get your number?” Ethan asked. Could it be …? “We still have a bunch to read and I might need some more help to understand if you’re willing to help me.”_

_Robbie stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before stammering out. “Yeah, of-of course.”_

_“Oh you are a lifesaver,” and they exchanged numbers. “I’m Ethan, by the way.”_

_“I’m Robbie.”_

_The swimmer left with a sweet goodbye. Robbie’s friend, Andrea, had come to meet him soon after. As she approached, quickly taking notice of something that was different: he had a stupidly large grin on his face. He was glowing with happiness._

A loud gasp escaped the swimmer’s lips. A clap of thunder had shaken him out of his deep reverie and back into reality. Now the world was cold and damp all around him. The warmth of that wonderful day seemed eons away. Rain was quickly coming in, and thunder and lightning dominated the evening sky.

He had plopped down next to a small stone pillar underneath the guise of Thompson himself.

Sitting was always the anathema to his problems. The more he sat, the more he thought about his issues and, as he did, it slowly began to all sink in. Running, walking, or especially swimming, always helped him get through his problems, but this time he did not have the energy to even think about those things.

Nevertheless, his mind was on overdrive. He couldn’t tear his thoughts away from how he had rested on the fact that he knew everything was going to pan out just as he wanted it to. It had to. It just did! His last few relationships and even more relationship attempts ended with him getting hurt or walked out on, or even cheated on. It was as if he was just a pretty face with no substance to him and he hated that feeling. He thought highly of himself in the physical regard, but also didn’t think lowly of his personality. The swimmer knew he was funny, charming, sweet and a great conversationalist. And those all seemed to meld well with Lucas’ charm. That’s what made him feel that click between the two. _This was supposed to be it._

By _it_ , Ethan thought this would be his first real relationship. The boy had been in love before. Both times it was never fully reciprocated. He always fell far too hard and far too quickly. And when it wasn’t reciprocated, the subsequent pain was always parallel with the love he had for them.

With success in swimming, he began to turn heads. High school came and by his senior year, he had become the most popular boy in school. Even when he came out as bisexual, it only made him more popular (juxtaposing what he had thought would happen).

Lucas was the boy who had made him feel again. His companionship turned into friendship and quickly into something more. Here was this boy who was beyond everything Ethan wanted in a partner who seemed genuinely interested in him. But not everything was what it seemed. Ethan had never experienced affection like he had with Lucas. Meaningless sex and partying couldn’t hold a candle to how he felt with Lucas. Not two hours before now they were in Ethan’s bed with Lucas gingerly running his hands through his partner’s hair … and it meant nothing? How could it have not have meant anything? How?! From the moment they met, he began to develop feelings for Lucas, and it was only a matter of time before he acted on it and finally gotten himself a boyfriend.

The only warmth he could experience in the cold, hard wind was a fleeting memory he had with Lucas: the first time they had gone out together.

_The semester dragged on and on, seemingly endless. However, Thanksgiving was right around the corner and Ethan couldn’t wait to be back in sunny, warm Miami, on his hammock in the backyard. Of course, he had a few assignments left to turn in before he could leave, however, those were bridges to cross when he got to them. Today was the Friday before he left, and his only plans were to bundle up a little bit and head to some of the gay clubs downtown for a night of fun. Just the thought what was to come made some excitement boil inside him._

_He was making his way to his dorm, musing about the queen performing at the club he was heading to tonight when someone had succeeded in getting his attention._

_“Hey!”_

_Ethan yelped as a finger jabbed in his side. He spun around to confront the perpetrator and was met with the endless evergreen gaze he felt so fondly towards. “Ah! You bitch.” He replied, laughing._

_There he was; tall, slim, and beaming. The way he squinted his eyes when he smiled was just the cutest thing! And Ethan was definitely a sucker for glasses. “Are you heading anywhere tonight?”_

_“Yeah, probably Origin.”_

_“Oh, me too,” he said with a sly grin. “do you just wanna head there together? Share a car or something?”_

_Ethan couldn’t help but beam. “I’d love to.”_

_They settled details and parted ways soon after so Lucas could get to class. Ethan found himself staring at the boy as he walked away and involuntarily biting his lip. Tonight, he’d be his._

_Ethan turned on his heels and started off the other way, heading back to his dorm. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a figure sitting on a bench not too far away. He tossed a glance to see that it was Robbie, his new friend, reading the book for their class in the late-October sun. The other boy soon noticed him and gave him a weak smile. Ethan returned it as he was walking and gave a small wave before he disappeared from the boy’s sight. And not a moment too soon because he missed Robbie’s shaky breath and frown from having seen everything that transpired before him._ **_You’ll never have a chance with him,_ ** _he thought._

* * *

Robbie was able to keep his feelings at bay at first. It was rather easy at first given that their only correspondence was discussing the atrocities in _Crime and Punishment_ and other assignments for their Russian Literature class. Their conversations were through text only. And given the fact that they only spoke of this with such little correspondence, it was easy for Robbie to believe his own doubt that anything would happen between the two.

However, texting made things much, much easier. Robbie was much more vocalized through the safety of the screen given that the boy was nowhere near him or could see him. Robbie’s confidence showed whenever he texted. Their conversations about Dostoyevsky or Gogol would also always deviate to something else. They found a connection and just texted for hours.

From nothing, they went to awkward eye contact, to an occasional smile, and then to Ethan spontaneously sitting next to Robbie in class one day. Eventually Ethan then decided to ask him to eat lunch together (platonically, of course), and Robbie was comfortable enough to say yes.

Though it was always Ethan who advanced their friendship. The sophomore knew that Robbie was as introverted as the swimmer was extroverted. However, it was not Robbie so much being introverted that prevented him from becoming closer and closer. It was caution.

From the first moment they met, Robbie had been in an utter state of disbelief. He couldn’t believe that Ethan would even talk to him. He couldn’t believe that Ethan would ever be texting him, or talking to him for hours, or sitting next to him, eating lunch with him …. He took it all with happiness and caring, but there was another thorn in his side whenever he did; his feelings grew and grew with every passing day.

And what was the worst part being he began to believe in them. He began to think that his feelings were realistic and that it could happen. Stepping into the realm of reality rather than thinking they were merely fantasy was what really set things into motion. The taller brunet would give anything to go back to the time where he felt only platonic feelings towards Ethan.

Believing that Ethan’s rejection was never going to happen was Robbie’s biggest mistake. He just couldn’t help himself.

Many would probably tell the quiet brunet: “Don’t worry, it’ll be alright. You’ll get over him. Someday your heart will heal. Life goes on,” or many other things of that same sort. But … he didn’t want any other boy. Even the thought of moving on scared him. Robbie didn’t want to get over him or move on. There was something about Ethan he had never felt before and it wasn’t just the strength of his feelings towards the sophomore, it was something much greater.

Memories of a much nicer time began mixing with the conflicting thoughts in an awful swirl around in his head ….


	3. A Tempo (senza rigore)

**_A Tempo (senza rigore)_ ** ****

_The last thing Robbie was expecting on one particular Friday night was to hear from Ethan at all, let alone expecting to see him. But he ended up dropping all his homework to go see Ethan in his dorm. He wondered whether or not Ethan’s intention was to invite him out to a club or a party, thrusting him out of his comfort zone. He hated parties or clubs with all those people. He always felt out of place and unwanted there, even if everyone was a stranger. He loved to spend nights when he wasn’t knee-deep in homework either practicing or reading._

_Thankfully, albeit rather strangely, Ethan also just wanted to spend a night in (Lucas must have been out of town). It wasn’t like the boy to not go out. A lot of his friends expected him to go out, too. Though, Robbie certainly didn’t dwell on the why of it once he got to Ethan’s dorm._

_Robbie was nervous as he went. He had only hung out with Ethan a couple of times and certainly not for a whole evening together. And yet they talked, danced, and even sang the night away. As midnight neared, Ethan made some hot cocoa and they drank as they went on a walk around the large campus._

_And in the small hours of the cold morning, they crossed the footbridge over the river, dimly lit by side lamps along the cold metal fence._

_Gazing up along the path, Robbie slowed down as they talked. Ethan looked back at him with an expression that showed consensus about stopping there to enjoy the scenery. And the view down the river was spectacular; twinkling lights of the campus around them, the river below them with all manner of light bouncing off the dark water, and the towers of downtown standing in the distance._

_“So how are you fairing against the infamous Ohio winter so far, Miami Boy?” Robbie asked with a small laugh, looking over at the swimmer. He leaned against the metallic fence, looking unwaveringly into Ethan’s eyes._

_Ethan’s brows pulled into a tight furrow, but he laughed as well. “I’m fairing quite well, thank you. Though I would prefer a beach view, this is definitely a close second.”_

_“How far away were you from the beach?”_

_“Ten minutes. My high school was five.”_

_“That sounds heavenly, honestly. I’d love to just get off school and head to the beach once it starts to warm up.”_

_“It did get a little old after a while.” Ethan cleared his throat and looked away, flushed at the mental image of a shirtless Robbie. He pushed it away by continuing his thoughts. “My parents rarely went to the beach, really, so I didn’t go often either. We had a pool, so that was fun enough.”_

_“Does every house in Miami have a pool?”_

_“No, just every other house— as per most Homeowners’ Association rules,” Ethan joked. “It was how I got into swimming and could always practice there or at least at my school’s pool, too.”_

_“So that explains why you’re so good at it.”_

_Ethan bit down on his lip and ran a hand through his hair, looking down. Compliments like that never got to him like this. Robbie’s just seemed to have more sincerity to it, for some reason._

_“Yeah, but it wasn’t all me. My parents encouraged me and supported me all the way.” He spoke with a warm, reminiscent smile. “Well, that and my older sister, who also swam, played the role of bad cop and got me up in the morning to practice._

_“That sounds awful,” Robbie replied with a laugh. Ethan gave him a shrug._

_“I’m sure it does to you, Mr. Caffeine-addicted Night Owl.”_

_“Ugh, morning birds. I’m rather shocked you’re still up right now.” Robbie playfully rolled. Ethan stifled a yawn, prompting Robbie to let out a bell-like laugh._

_“But that also helped me get here. Though, of course, if it wasn’t for the support I had, I wouldn’t have received the swimming scholarship,” he sighed, deeply; his breath being whisked away in a cloud of steam. “I don’t know what I would do without my family.”_

_Robbie gave an endearing half-smile, “Tell me about them.”_

_Ethan’s grin was from cheek to cheek. “My parents have supported me in every one of my endeavors. From swimming, to school, loving me with openness and pride when I came out as bi. What they have is everything I want to have when I’m older. My sister is strong and motivated, and I always have looked up to her. She’s graduating this year from Stanford,_ the _Stanford, with a degree in engineering. And then there’s my little brother who’s a total idiot, but we love him anyway.”_

_“Oh, ouch,” Robbie replied._

_“Nah, I’m just speaking as a big brother. He’s got a bright future in music, that’s for sure. When I told him I was friends with an amazing piano player, he was pretty excited about it.”_

_“Who’s that?” Robbie asked, completely oblivious. Ethan let him know in his glare and cocked eyebrow. He looked away, embarrassed. “Oh, right. But, um, your family sounds amazing.”_

_“Yeah, they are … I remember one Fourth of July, I had had this really bad falling-out with a girl I was seeing. And we usually have a pretty big cook-out in our backyard. I was certainly in no mood to make an appearance, but I did any way. And just being there with my family made me forget all about what happened.”_

_“That’s … so sweet.”_

_Silence settled between the two. Robbie was staring down and off into the distance with his own swirling thoughts._

_“Robbie,” Ethan started, moving slightly and leaning back on the railing and looking up at his good friend. “what was it like growing up in your household?” Ethan asked with trepidation in every word._

_The other boy gave a blank stare and some blinks for a few moments before he would reply. Ethan unknowingly asked a very loaded question. For as long as they’ve known each other, Robbie only told Ethan a few, trivial details about his family. Where would he even start?_

_“Well, I’m the youngest of four, so I had three older brothers growing up, uh … my mom is from Russia while my dad is from Georgia— which, of course, is how I got my real name and—”_

_“Wait, what?”_

_Robbie looked at Ethan puzzled, while the swimmer looked back with equal puzzlement. “What? How … how have I not told you my real name?”_

_“I don’t know! What is it?”_

_“It’s Raždan.”_

_Ethan stared at him, “That is beautiful,” he blurted out._

_“Really? I would think Raždan Dadeškeliani wouldn’t really roll off the tongue very well; even as a native speaker.”_

_“Robbie, that is a beautiful name. I’m envious. And the way you say it makes it roll of the tongue better than many other things in English.”_

_“But you have to admit Robbie is easier.”_

_“Well, to my American ass it is. I wish I was bilingual as well. Say something else in your language!” Ethan chirped._

_“Well, I actually grew up speaking Russian and Greek on top of Georgian.”_

_Ethan laughed, “Oh, so you just casually speak, what, four languages? How did that even happen?”_

_“Well, I spoke Russian at home with my mother and Georgian with my father. They were both adamant that I learn both of my native tongues since none of my brothers bothered. I was also forced to learn Greek at church, and English was sort of an in between of all that. I’m somewhat surprised, still to this day, that I don’t speak with any kind of accent.” Robbie laughed. His chuckles disappeared like his breath did in the cold air. Ethan’s expression had sunken a little._

_“Oh, okay. I’m sorry for my ignorance, but you didn’t seem like the religious type of person.”_

_“That’s because I’m not anymore, really. But saying that would not go over well for my parents. Growing up Greek Orthodox, I went to church almost every weekend and learned to sing and all that; I was very involved. But, in the end, I believe nothing now because of how homophobic and hateful they were. Heh,” he exhaled, “I like to say that I never had a goth phase, it was more of a Jesus-freak phase instead. But it was definitely a pray-the-gay-away sort of thing deep down.” Robbie’s eyes drifted down as him mind got lost in thoughts from his past._

_Ethan stared at him blankly for a second. “Oh … my … I’m sorry.”_

_Robbie looked back up at him. “It’s okay, really. I’m pretty free now. Its… such a liberating experience. Everyone in my life here knows about me, and they’re so okay with it that it’s made me being okay with it so much easier.” Robbie became just a bit more animated, looking around and talking with his hands. “Just saying it out loud when I was alone was hard enough, but to tell it to another person? That was out of the question for the longest time. But when I did, and especially to someone like you …” Robbie ended with a small laugh. Ethan reciprocated a smile._

_“What do you mean someone like me?” Ethan asked inquisitively._

_“You’re so free with your sexuality and, well, just about everything you do. You’re so attractive and all the guys and girls know it. Coming out to you seemed like a logical choice, yes, but it was also so liberating and affirming.”_

_“You don’t deserve just that,” Ethan blurted out, a horrendous bubble of warmth erupted inside of him. Robbie just called him attractive and he didn’t really know how to react. He kept on, “And you didn’t deserve any of that. I wish you could have come out much earlier, or at least not have been been surrounded by such terrible language that it’s ….” Ethan faded, his mood shifting to frustrated while thinking about Robbie’s story. And the taller boy noticed it. “You deserve so much more ….”_

_A small flicker of warmth shimmered in Robbie’s eyes. He thanked Ethan wordlessly with a warm, brilliant smile._

_The shorter, blond boy broke the silence that followed. “Do … do your parents know?” Robbie’s lips pulled into a tight purse._

_“No, they don’t. I … I don’t know if I’ll ever tell them. Not that I don’t want to, I can’t hide this from them forever. I do want them to know that this is who I am, I just don’t know if I have the heart to tell them. But, I would have to eventually. It’s either that or marry some Slavic girl and become a baby factory for grandkids all while praising the good, and yet so vindictive, manipulative, and wrathful God. And that hope they have seems to rest on me out of all my deadbeat brothers. But if I ever do tell, it’ll be like their world is ending, I’m sure of it. I don’t know if I’d even feel safe telling them face-to-face.”_

_His words were soft but no less sharp and poignant. He had wanted to get that out for a while, the frown on his face made that evident. He looked back up at Ethan to only be met with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. “Oh, god, I unloaded so much onto you— I-I’m so sorry. God, I-I just got carried—"_

_Ethan’s arms were suddenly wrapped tightly around Robbie. It took Robbie a moment to realize what was happening. He kept rambling for a second, then he lowered his arms slowly to wrap around, instinctively, Ethan’s lower back, pulling in him in as close as possible. To him, there was no better feeling than Ethan’s warm hug. He had never thought he would make such an amazing friend when he came here. In fact, he doubted he would make any friends at all._

_Ethan pulled away from the hug and looked up at the taller boy. “You deserve the world, Robbie. And your world shouldn’t have to suffer to please someone else’s. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”_

_Robbie stared back at him, speechless. Such a simple phrase had so much more weight behind it when it came from someone he admired so greatly. He felt tears well to his eyes, but he forced them back with all his might. It’s what he was prone to do: never show weakness._

_The silence lead Ethan to question about what he had said. “Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.” He looked away and let out a shiver. “C’mon, it’s getting colder. We should go back to our dorms. I’ll walk you home,” Ethan then started off, but Robbie remained fixated in his spot._

_Robbie rather abruptly realized how much he had changed for the better since he started college not three months ago. Seeing the lights illuminate the place he had feared at first, but then come to love so much, in such a stunning manner as the backdrop to the boy whom he had the utmost_ honor _to call his friend …. That spark he felt was something he would never forget._

_“Are you doing okay?” asked Ethan with a kind smile playing at his lips._

_Robbie nodded, overwhelmed with an indescribable happiness and sense of wonder. “Yes,” he whispered, beaming, letting a tear fall down his cheek._

It was almost impossible to describe, that sensation he felt that night. A feeling of peace and happiness that he had never experienced before. Whenever he was close to Ethan, it was there present along with an amalgam of other sensations (many of which overshadowed it), and Robbie wasn’t aware of it until right now, right there, in the rain. He was alone and lonely. Amid the onslaught of angst and dread, there it stood in his aura as clear as day: love.

_Love?_

No, there was no possible way. He wasn’t in love with Ethan. There was no _possible_ way.

Of course, there were many things he loved _about_ Ethan— there’s a reason he felt these feelings for the boy in the first place. His bubbly nature, his sense of wonder, the most adventurous person he knows; not to mention his drive and motivation for his future and his academic career … Robbie could go on and on from the shorter boy’s sense of style to the everlasting glean of warmth in his eye.

This boy exuded life and always energized Robbie whenever he was around Ethan. Even the worry that he was too boring to even be friends with someone so connected and popular just dissipated. Even after they saw each other, the good-mood-Ethan always put Robbie in one, too. And it would steady him for hours; Robbie couldn’t stop smiling.

A thought suddenly crossed his mind: _I love his hugs._ Such a simple thought prompted a horrendous swell of warmth to effervesce inside of his core. Robbie almost recoiled because of how strong it was. The thought seed of love was planted, and it stewed in his mind for the next few moments. _His laugh is so infectious._ Such an irksome thought, but not wrong by any means. Robbie’s woes would always be cured by Ethan’s laughter.

He had let himself muse all these romantic thoughts, sure, but how could he possibly already love his boy? But before he could force his skepticism into it …. _I can see us walking down The Oval, hand-in-hand …._ That thought upset him.

As a very practical being he didn’t believe in love at first sight. Robbie believed love was something that was cultivated once feelings were acted upon within reason; he would never do anything spontaneous into uncharted emotional territory. Well, never _again,_ at least. He certainly believed in platonic love and he believed that he loved Ethan in this way. But romantic love? Robbie doubted he’d ever find that, let alone with Ethan. Plus, he spent so much of his time since he met the other boy trying to convince himself that he would _never_ end up with him.

Robbie thought his feelings for Ethan were strong, but love? That was too far. Robbie pledged to himself he wouldn’t let himself fall in love without the other man reciprocating it. So much of his home life hinged on it. He’s powerless unless its real love.

_Right?_

He froze for a moment; all his thoughts, movements, feelings ….

_Yes, I love him._

A frigid sensation overtook his body.

He was in love. Robbie was in love for the first time in his life. Because for the first time in his life he felt safe enough to fall in love, free from the unrelenting homophobia and bigotry. But his first attempt backfired and left him burned. Left with nothing but a hollow feeling and a throbbing caution of what was next; whatever boy would be after Ethan. If there would ever be one.

He wanted no one else. He didn’t want to move on. He wanted Ethan so terribly, he wanted these feelings to stay with him forever. And what made it worse was the more time he spent sitting there, the more he began to realize that he was in love all along. Some part of him always told him that he was. Hindsight is most certainly twenty-twenty. It was all very clear to him now. He even figured out the exact moment he fell in love …

 _I love you, Ethan._ He thought, calmly. And for just a moment, he let himself fantasize. Just for a moment, he thought about the kiss.

A muffled sound pulled him from his reverie.

Robbie looked up, turning his head to get closer to the sound, and finally began to take notice of his surroundings. He had only been sitting there for just a few seconds, letting his mind race through flashbacks and memories with an onslaught of terrible thoughts.

Some curiosity had gripped him. Enough to where he could look up and see more color in the darkness. A streak of white is what he saw from where he was. His eyes slowly began to adjust to the dark and soon a person popped into view, sitting on the concrete steps while the rain took its toll.

Robbie hesitantly stood up. Another muffled noise hit is ears, but this time he recognized the voice buried underneath the sob. No. It couldn’t be him. _There was no way._

He had to have been out with Lucas at some party, grinding on him while they drank the night away. Every logical path ran through Robbie’s mind as to why it couldn’t be Ethan. Regardless, this person was in need and sobbing in the cold dark rain.

Robbie stepped closer with caution, tucking his head underneath his hood to shield the rain. A flash of red suddenly caught his eye while a bolt of lightning lit up sky. He crouched down to pick up a damp rose with smudged writing on the card.

_Be mine…_

It quickly became apparent that it was Ethan; balled up tightly watching the rain fall onto the ground and wiping away any semblance of tears from his countenance. Robbie was the only person in his life that could tell he was crying. His lip was trembling from the frigid water, but nothing was as heart-breaking as the hollow glare from his cobalt blues.

“Ethan …?” Robbie’s voice even surprised him at how weak it sounded. Those warm brown locks now damp and disheveled, covering his face, and that white sweater that Robbie loved on him stuck to him harshly.

Frigid, ocean eyes darted up at Robbie, suddenly alert to the world around him. They looked panicked and worried, shrouded with much sorrow and regret. And yet, they immediately melted away to a much more vulnerable gaze.

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been an on-and-off project for a few years now. I don't know if I'll ever consider it perfect, but I do at least know its complete, and possibly worth posting and continuing.


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